August: Week 1 - This is why I don't run

I don't run. I guess I'd run if someone or something was chasing me, but as a rule, I don't run. I exercise in other ways, so I'm not missing out on anything by not running. In my brain, running leads to puncture wounds. Allow me to explain. 

When I was in kindergarten, I was outside running around with my friends when I had an unfortunate run-in with a bicycle. The larger details of this event are hazy at best in my brain, but the facts as I know them are that I was running down the street and an older neighborhood boy was riding his bicycle in my direction. Rather than change course, we collided. The kickstand of his bike was out just enough to catch my leg and it caused a rather large puncture wound on my left leg. As far as I know, the boy was unharmed although he and my brother may have gotten into a fight about this event later on (family lore is an unreliable thing). It happened very close to my house and I remember both of my parents being shocked and saying nothing when I walked in with a very large hole in my tiny leg (I was tiny back then). There was no blood and I was pretty calm about the whole thing. I don't remember being in the car on the way to the hospital. I do remember asking for a Dr. Pepper and getting to eat dinner on the couch because my leg had to be elevated. I know school was in session because I wasn't allowed to go out for recess because of my stitches. 

What I learned later from my mom was that the doctor who stitched me up lost count of the number of stitches I got and  told my mom it was the largest amount of stitches he had ever stitched (it was "hundreds" according to my mom). There was no blood because the puncture wound was so deep and clean. The doctor had to layer stitches in my leg to put things back together. I ended up with a four inch scar on my left thigh.

My perspective on my scar has changed a lot over the years. When I was little, from say when I got the scar to about the 6th grade, I thought my scar was cool and so did other kids. It was a weird story and it was just gory enough to be the kind of gross little kids like. There's something to be said about the confidence of kids during that time. We're fierce and weird in a way that we forget when we get older and society has happened to us. I wore shorts. I showed people the very red scar and wore it like a badge of honor. I remember tracing my scar with my finger; it was bumpy and smooth at the same time. It was cool. 

All of that changed as I moved in my preteen and teen years. Scars, especially for girls, are not cool. I was self-conscious about everything by that point in my life, as most of us are in those years, and the scar didn't help. It was no longer the angry red of its early life, but had faded into a medium pink color but it still looked angry. In my mind it was huge and the first thing people noticed about me (the vast majority of people were not looking). I would only wear shorts and skirts if they were certain lengths and I always wore a t-shirt over my bathing suit until the last possible second. 

I started my march toward loving my scar in college. I have to give Gloria Steinem credit for helping me understand the beauty of scars. I read her essay "In Praise of Women's Bodies" in the anthology Outrageous Acts and Everyday Rebellions. Steinem talks about the emotional power behind scars (I wrote about this on my other blog). The essay is mostly focused on childbirth, but her words helped me put my scar into perspective. It was an odd accident and I was a brave kindergartner who asked for Dr. Pepper like an emergency was not taking place while that poor doctor stitched away. While this realization helped me, I didn't go out and buy short shorts or mini skirts, but I didn't hide from those items anymore. In fact, I love skirts and I have quite a few that are pretty short. I wear tights with these skirts, but I know for a fact I wouldn't have bought these skirts when I was younger. 

My scar is pretty faded now. I'm a very pasty white girl and my scar is similarly colored now. It's visible, but you'd probably miss it if you didn't know to look for it. 

The item of clothing for this month's stitch journal is the last pair of shorts I bought. I bought them in 2021 for a very specific event, a private screening of Empire Records for Rex Manning Day, and I wore tights with them. I haven't worn the shorts since and decided they'd make a great addition to this year's project. They're linen and they are legit the best type of fabric to embroider. It's so much easier than the t-shirts and blends of some of the other pieces. 

I plan to stitch four scars, starting on the back of the left leg and moving around to the front left leg to end the month. The stitched scars will progress, much like my real scar, from angry red to less angry pink, to even less angry pink/peach, to a white/ecru/white girl leg color. Each one will be a little different in shape which also mimics my experience with my scar over the years. It hasn't shrunk, but as it fades, it looks smaller. I want to play with textures as well so I'm using the hot glue method I saw online a few months ago. Basically, you outline the shape with hot glue, allow it to dry, and stitch over it. I'm using satin stitch and the glue helps create the padding for padded satin stitch. I used it for the entire outline for the first scar, but will probably use it differently for each leg. 

I'm also planning on mostly using satin and straight stitches for this month. Both capture the weird texture I remember about my scar, particularly early on, that's both smooth and bumpy. Skin heals in random ways, I say as I look at the scar that's forming on my right hand from my fall a few weeks ago, so I'm just going to see where each leg takes me. While I do have four scars to stitch, I'm not necessarily trying to finish one per week. August has a bonus half week, so I don't feel like I have to speed through each one to move forward. If one leg goes into a second week, it's fine. I wanted to give myself less structure on the time for each part than I've done in previous months.

The design of each scar isn't necessarily based on my actual scar. It's the same length and some of the ridges are similar to the shape it is today, but that's it. I don't have photos from when it first happened or later in my life. I took a few photos of my leg last month to see what the scar looks like up close. I used them for reference only. I don't intend to include them in any of the posts or blogs about this month.

Iconic #1 was a quote from one of my favorite artists, Louise Bourgeois. She said, "The art of sewing is a process of emotional repair." This year's stitch journal project is incredibly autobiographical and I think it's helped me process things about myself where I am in my life today. I don't hate my scar anymore. I accept it as part of me and who I am and the life I've lived. I still don't wear shorts and that's fine. I am planning on buying my first swimsuit in over a decade. This year's stitch journal project has helped get me to that point. 

It's cool if scars aren't your thing and you want to skip following along this month. I totally get it. September is more than likely going to focus on a pineapple sweater, so not nearly as jarring as scars. I don't know what's going to be on the pineapple sweater, but I have an entire month to figure that out. 

Here's this week's recap:

The hot glue outline. I haven't decided if all four legs will be outlined with hot glue or if the later ones will include some hot glue.

August 1

August 2

August 3: Two images so you can see some of bumpy parts.

August 4: the first layer of the fill stitch. I'm using the same technique I used for January's true with multiple shades of red and some pink.

August 5 - little bit of pink added to the two shades of red for the filling

I think it's done. I haven't moved to the next leg yet since I may decided to add more to this one.

Other Stuff I'm Working On and Random Things from the Week

After an unfortunate experience with metallic thread (what experience with metallic thread isn't unfortunate?), I decided to use Etoile thread to finish the WORM pattern. It still sparkles and I can use the metallic thread when I add the beads. 

I'm waiting on my DMC order to arrive since I only had a small amount of the pink Etoile.

I also made a batch of cupcakes in honor of the third indictment of the former guy. I wasn't ready on the actual day the indictment came out, but I did enjoy a cupcake the next day and on the day he was arraigned. I also have cupcakes in the freezer for the next indictment because there's at least one more. 

I started a PopLush pattern from my stash this week as well. I like to have a few projects in progress so I can move between them for variety. The fish make me giggle.

Actor Paul Reubens died earlier this week. I loved Pee-wee' Playhouse and Pee-wee's Big Adventure so much as a kid. Pee-wee was the best combination of whimsical and weird. The Cabazon Dinosaurs, featured in Pee-wee's Big Adventure, paid tribute to him in the sweetest way possible. 

I'm planning a tribute piece as well. I want to use Pee-wee's famous suit as the foundation and a quote that I love from Pee-wee's Big Adventure. More to come as I figure this piece out.