March: 31 Words (Words 12-18)

I'm having one of those weeks where I've been thinking about a lot of things all at once. I was a panelist for a webinar at work on intersectional feminism and was preparing for sharing perspectives on what that means and how white feminism fails people, so I was thinking a lot about my own feminism and how it's evolved since I first declared myself a feminist at the age of 12. I even told a story that relates to one of this week's words, which I'll share more about later in this post. I'm rewatching The Wire and thinking about policing and "the war on drugs" and how we (the royal We) fail so many people. 

I also went to see the musical (yes, musical) Jagged Little Pill last night and I did not expect it to be so intense. I was a teenager when Alanis Morrissette's album came out and it was in heavy rotation in 1995. The musical is okay; it's a jukebox musical but one with broader social commentary than you might expect. There's drug addiction, racism, perfectionist culture, white/suburban weirdness, rape, and marital strife (and that's just the first act). Normally, no one sits in our row, but the entire section was filled with teenagers from Connecticut. This is funny since the show takes place in Connecticut. I enjoyed the show more because I was watching it with them; listening to them react to certain things or applaud loudly for a line or a character reminds me so much of myself at that age when the album came out. (Some of them didn't know it was an album. Yes, I'm old.) Anyway, I wasn't expecting the things I talked about in the panel discussion to be part of this musical, but they were. While I'm not a fan of the song "You Oughta Know," the actress who sang it last night looked like a red-haired 1995 Alanis and sounded so much like her. All that teen anger/feminism came flooding back. 

I didn't plan this week's words around the events/stuff I was doing; words were selected and ordered in January before I knew about the panel or started the rewatch of The Wire. Not ironic, but it does make you think. (I had to - they make fun of this song in the musical. As it should be.)

Here's this week's recap:

March 12: I've been called brave a few times in my life. The one that sticks out the most for me was when I decided to move to California in 2010. My job at the time had a new role in the Oakland office and I wanted to get out of Virginia for a bit. I was restless. My mom was angry at me for wanting to live so far away (it had nothing to do with being far from family, but that's how she interpreted things). I was struggling with the decision and one of my co-workers, a woman I admired for her independence, told me I was being brave. She told me bravery is sometimes quiet and not about anyone but you. Taking care of yourself is being brave. I hadn't thought of bravery in that way before and it's stuck with me ever since.

March 13: I hope I'm a good daughter. I think I am. I know I haven't done some of the things my parents expected me to do (mostly get married and have babies), but I think I've made them proud in other ways. They don't get my art, but they like seeing it and were excited about my inclusion in the exhibition last year. They've finally come to terms with their little weirdo and it's cool.

March 14: I can very confidently say I'm an excellent cat mom. Keely, and his sisters before him, never wants for anything and I would fight people in an alley (I have no idea why this is my way of describing standing up for someone or some animal) if anyone tried to harm him. He's my dude and I would be a much messier (emotionally) person if I didn't have my cat son.

March 15: I had a fascinating conversation with my dad during the 2016 election about fear and elections. I used the word "mouthy" to describe myself and why I was afraid of what would become the reality of the former guy (TFG) being elected. People like TFG don't like mouthy women and they make that known in very dangerous ways. My dad had no intention of voting for TFG (he legit hates TFG), but he wanted to understand my perspective. We've had a lot of conversations like this since 2016 and I enjoy them very much.

March 16: I have actually been called "spinster" maybe about a dozen times in my life. One of them was on a government form. In 2012, I went to Hong Kong for work and the visa application only has one choice for unmarried women: spinster. On a government form in 2012. Sigh. The origin of the word spinster was related to weaving and textile production. Spinsters spun thread and yarn for a living as far back as the 1300s. Most of these women were single and poor. Like other professions where the profession became associated with the person's name, spinster became part of legal documents in that period. Eventually, it became less about legal status as an unmarried woman and more about making women feel less than for not marrying. I've been called a spinster in this way as well, by both men and women who think it's funny. It also reminds me of the essay "Tokyo Story" by Wendy Wasserstein (in her book Bachelor Girls). The late playwright (one of my favorite playwrights) traveled to Japan for the premiere of her play Isn't It Romantic and learns the term "Christmas cakes after Christmas" from her guide. I have to laugh about this or else I'd never get anything done. Spinster was the main inspiration for this month's stitch journal theme. 

March 17: I told this story during the panel discussion I was part of on Thursday. I was one of three girls in my 9th grade English class. Our teacher, a white woman, told us very early on in the year that girls and women could be one of three things: pretty, funny, or smart. She did so much that year to make us feel less than. We formed a little sisterhood and pushed back at her whenever we had the chance. It was the first time I understood sisterhood in that way and the first time I really pushed back at authority. A co-worker asked me if I thought this teacher was trying to be helpful. I told her maybe, but given the way she treated the boys, which bordered on inappropriate, I don't think so. Maybe it was internalized misogyny. Maybe she hated youth. Maybe she was in the wrong profession. Doesn't really matter why she did it; she did it. She probably thought we'd be docile and take the abuse, but we didn't. I hope she has had the life she deserved.

March 18: I wrote about being comfortable with calling myself an artist in 2021. It's such a gated term and I wish more people would embrace it as what they are and not qualify their work as something that doesn't mean anything. I hear that from friends and acquaintances who are definitely artists but struggle with the word. They'll get there when they need to get there I guess.  

Words 1-18

Words 19-25

Works in Progress/Other Projects

Completed my wall of PopLush dinosaurs last Sunday. I'm very proud of this accomplishment.

Finishing up my last PopLush pattern until the April club pattern arrives next month. This one needs a home once it's completed.

I also pulled together the first set of quotes for my next series, Iconic. I plan on patterning these out this weekend. I've been collecting quotes I like from people I know, famous people, and random things I hear to create this series. I think it's going to be fun. I plan on doing a few versions of this series so send me fun quotes if you have them and they might be included in future pieces.